by Patricia Clason at:<http://www.lightly.com>

Is worry about a job change, promotion or challenging co-worker on your mind,or are you frustrated with your employer, the job search or your work team?Here's a few suggestions may help you shift your emotions and get a newperspective.

As children we learn that it is important to block the flow of our e-motions(life energy in motion) in order to survive and avoid pain. We heard things like"Children should be seen and not heard", "Stop crying or I'llgive you something to cry about", "Don't you every get angry or talkback to me that way", "Grow up, there's nothing to be scaredabout." So many messages that taught us to suppress and deny our feelings.And as we grow up, there are more messages about being polite and nice -"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It's notsurprising that we eventually wear Happy face masks, hiding our true feelings.

As infants our emotional energy flowed freely, like a mountain stream.

Each time some "Don't feel" message came in or we experienced painwhen we expressed our emotions, we put a boulder in the stream. It wasn't longbefore there was a dam in the stream. The water (emotion) stopped flowing andthe pressure built up behind the dam. Sometimes the water splashes over the topof the dam. When we've had a bad day and the frustration has built up inside,and the mashed potatoes are lumpy, we blow up! Loudly complaining, screaming orcrying, we direct all our anger at the cook. The cook, while perhaps needing areminder to mash the potatoes more, didn't deserve the explosion we directedthat way. Or we keep it all bottled up inside and get upset stomachs, irritablecolons, or colds - or sometimes it explodes inside us with more seriousillnesses.

Dams are rivers are built with a special gate that allows the pressure to berevlived when it gets to be too much. We need to build our own pressure reliefgate so that we don't hurt ourselves or others. One way to do this is to have aspecially designated "Worry Day" or "Angry Day."

On that day, we wear a button that says "This is my Angry Day/WorryDay" so that those around us know we are going to be expressing ouremotions fully and freely - and they can give us the space to do it. Usuallywhen someone is angry around us, we either get angry back or try to fix it. Onother's Angry Days, we can listen to the anger and be empathetic "Yeah, Iknow what you mean" "I can see why you are angry" "I'd beangry too if that happened to me" Most importantly, we listen and validatethat it is safe to express anger.

On a Worry Day, we can listen to the person's fears or sadness, let them cryor talk it out - again without trying to fix it or give advice. "I can seewhy you are concerned" "Sounds like you are really worried aboutthat" "I'd be worried too fi that was happening in my family" Asimple empathic message lets the other person express their feelings safely.Another fun way to let the feelings out is for everyone to have the sameworry/angry day - or assign a special meeting for everyone to worry/be angrytogether. Then when the energy has run its course and the pressure is off, wecan close the pressure gate again and get back to daily living.

I learned about worry days a long time ago in a seminar about money. It wassuggested to us that we have one day a month that we worry about money, payingthe bills, etc. Then we could spend the other 29 days a month creatively makingmoney and enjoying life. So I took the teacher's advice.

I sat in my office on my worry day complaining out loud about how there neverwas enough money, I didn't know how I was going to make it, etc. I forgot thatmy house guest ws in the next room and could hear everything was saying!

Later that day we went to a local burger shop for dinner. As I ordered, shesaid, "If you don't have enough money for dinner, I can loan yousome." I was shocked and replied, "No way! My treat!" As we ate,I asked her why she thought I needed money. She quietly answered, "I heardyou in your office. It sounded like things were really bad, so I thought I'doffer to help." I laughed and explained to her about worry days. We bothlaughed alot over our chocolate malts!

My money worry day allows me to focus on the positive, creative, playful partof my life on all the other days. I enjoy my worry days now and I find I spendless and less time in worry on those days. Learning to express our emotionssafely and fully eventually takes down much or all of the dam. The pressure thendoesn't build up as much. Since for most people learning how to suppress, denyand mask emotion has been a lifelong process, dismantling the dam can be a longand challenging task.

So in the meantime, worry days and angry days are a valuable tool formaintaining mental and physical health.

PATRICIA CLASON is the director of the Center for Creative Learning inMilwaukee (with offices in Madison, WI and Detroit, MI). She has been in humanresource development since 1975, teaching, writing, and speaking tocorporations, groups, conventions and conferences. Taking It Lightly is herweekend program for "dismantling the dam" and learning to bemore joyful and alive. For more information in Milwaukee, call (414)873-6040, outside Milwaukee call (800) 236-4692.

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"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost, that iswhere they should be. Now put the foundation under them."
--Henry David Thoreau

Build strong foundations under YOUR castles with a private Coach!

PatriciaClason, owner of "Accountability Coaching Associates" was first toreceive the "Registered Corporate Coach "designation from theNational Association of Business Coaches. Patricia is also a professional speaker, author and trainer in human resourcedevelopment with over twenty-five years of experience!

Visit her at her website <http://www.lightly.com>where you will find helpful articles, a calendar of events for the Center forCreative Learning, and much more!

Or call her at (414) 374-5433

Check out her NEW program on Ethics - the hot topic of the 21st century!

And in the meantime - Take It Lightly!!!!!!!!