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Negotiating without all the hassle
A recent cartoon on Nickelodeon portrayed two �Rug Rats� playing �Haggle.� One was the store owner, the
other was the customer. The customer wanted to buy a toy. �The price is $10,� said the
owner. The customer gave him $10. The owner gave it back and said, �No, you�re supposed to
haggle. Ask me to sell it to you for less. It�s overpriced at $10!� A comment on our society and
expectations?
An article on negotiations in meetings publication offered information on how both sides sometimes pad the
numbers. A salesperson might quote a rate higher so there is room for negotiation. This and other
tactics are often used between buyers and seller. Perhaps we have come to love the
game �Haggle� so much that we have lost sight of the value of straight talk, setting accurate prices and
paying what an item is worth. Paying the lowest possible price at anyone�s expense
has become the rule of the day.
We worry about going into an interview and what we will tell them about our desired salary - do I come in high?
What if I seem too presumptuous or demanding? Do I come in low? Maybe they will think
that I don't value myself enough and that I won't do a good job for them.
Why do we feel the need to play negotiation games? The result of years of merchant/haggler interactions is a
lack of trust on both sides. We have created an us versus them environment. Sellers see
buyers on one extreme as wanting something for nothing. Buyers see sellers on the other
extreme as greedy and overpriced. Adversarial relationships seldom result in a win-win resolution. The
upshot is usually two parties who have compromised, given up something they wanted, and now resent it. This
resentment results in negative comments to others in the industry and a loss of future business. The
score in the end? Lose-lose. Granted, this is not the outcome of all negotiation situations. It is,
however, a condition in much of society today. Fear, mistrust and selfishness are the attitudes of the day in
far too many negotiations.
Negotiation will always be a part of human interaction. Rarely does one�s needs and desires match perfectly
with another�s ability or desire to provide them. What would happen if we simply
approached a situation by telling the truth, asking for what we want and then being open to
negotiation?
Consider how different it would be if the interaction began from a win-win perspective. For example, a meeting
planner calls a hotel and says, �I guarantee a minimum of 10 rooms. We may need a
maximum of 25 per night for four nights. Our budget is $35 per person per day for the meeting.
We will have a minimum of 15 attendees and a maximum of 50. These are my dates. Can you do it
within our budget?� This would be �telling the truth� and �asking for what you want.� The salesperson now has the
opportunity to look at the numbers and offer the hotel�s best options within or as close to
those parameters as possible or decline the business if it�s just not possible. The hotel and the meeting planner both stand clear
on what they want. If the group really wants this hotel, the planner can begin exploring options, changing
requirements or schedules with the cooperation of the supplier. This can be done since the planner
knows all along the supplier will continue to offer the best options in response to the planner�s direct and honest
requests. This relationship is bound for success. Even if the planner cannot use the
facility because of budget restrictions, this planner will speak well of the cooperation and honesty of the salesperson. The praise may even
possibly inspire business from other planners.
I can hear you now, �How can I be sure the hotel won�t charge me $85 for a $75 room if I tell them that�s how
much I have to spend?� Or the hotelier, �What is to keep them from �nickel and
dime-ing� me to death with little extra requests?�
A friend told me the story of selling a piece of real estate. He told the buyers that his bottom line price was
$164,000 and nonnegotiable. They came back with and offer of $150,000. He told them, �No sale. You didn�t
listen to me. The price is $164,000 - not negotiable.� He was ready to walk away from the deal. He was
straight and honest with them up front, but they didn�t believe him and tried to negotiate anyway. They ended
up buying the real estate for $164,000.
One is never too young to learn how to see what is and is not negotiable. Since she was very little, I would tell
my daughter what was negotiable and what was not. She has been taught to ask honestly and directly for what
she wants. When I know there is no room for negotiation in discipline, boundaries or activities, I simply
say to her, �It�s not negotiable.� She doesn�t bring it up or ask again. She
knows she has the bottom line of the situation and responds accordingly.
Perhaps if the other person was approached with the initial information of �I�ve put together my needs and
options. This is what I want. This is what is open to negotiation. I want to trust that you will give me your
best options to meet my needs. I don�t want to play �haggle� with you, but I do want to have clear and up front
business with you,� it just might work.
It does work with the Saturn company. Saturn cars are sold under a �No haggle� policy. People who want
Saturn cars know they pay the listed price and they know they are getting value they can trust at a
fair price. Saturn researched what people wanted in buying cars and �no negotiation�
was near the top of the list. Trust seems to be the name of the game because when there is trust, prices are
not inflated and no one is �nickel and dimed� to death. When there is trust, there is cooperation, success and
long-lasting business relationships. In Positive Power Plays (see below), I encourage
direct, honest, clear communication with specific requests and answers in the negotiation process. A willingness for both parties to
leave the interaction satisfied is also important. While there may be adjustments to the original requests and
desires, there is not a sense of compromise. In our society, compromise often means giving up or trading
off reluctantly - �Well, all right, if I have to, I guess I can,,,,,,� Compromise of this kind always leaves us
dissatisfied and can lead to resentment and revenge (sometimes overt and sometimes
subtle sabotage). It is important to know your acceptable bottom line and stick to it so you don�t sell yourself out in the negotiation or
hurt yourself or others later. In fact, compromise, the verb, is defined as �endangering the reputation of.� We
need to go back to its root form which is �a mutual promise.� If the compromise reached is one with
which both parties are satisfied and they mutually promise to keep their part of the agreement, then relationships
are nurtured instead of endangered. More than any other factors involved in creating
successful negotiations are the basics of honesty and integrity. People need to be able to trust that what a person says will
match the intention and then the results. Combine that with a sincere desire for
a win-win solution and cooperative communication and no one will lose. A healthy, long-term business relationship will then be
established.
When it comes to the job interview, do some research about the salaries in your field (there are many internet
sites to help with this). Be honest about what you have earned in the past. Know what you
can ask for based on your certainty that it is reasonable to the industry and that it
reflects the value that you will bring to the
company. When asked, answer directly and honestly, feeling strong in your abilities and worth. Know the
bottom line of your negotiation range and don't sell out on yourself (it will only create resentment and
maybe revenge later!). Respect yourself and the company in your negotiations. If you take that job, you will have set
the stage for direct, honest and clean communication - and you'll be working for salary you deserve!!!!!!
Patricia Clason is a professional speaker, trainer, author and coach who has given over3,000 presentations
internationally since 1975. Director of the Center for Creative Learning, she and her associates
offer personal and professional development programs for the general public, speeches
for groups, in-house training for businesses and coaching for individuals and groups. Center for Creative
Learning, 6040 West Lisbon Avenue #200, Milwaukee, WI 53210, (414) 873-6040 or Fax (414) 374-3997
SIDE BAR
POSITIVE POWER PLAYS
Skills for conflict resolution and negotiation
TELL THE TRUTH: NOTES
1. Realize that there is no absolute truth about the circumstances - the problem is different positions of thinking and feeling = Your
"truth" isn't their "truth" and doesn't have to be in order to resolve the problem
2. See the situation from their position - understanding it doesn't necessarily mean you have to agree with it
3. Use "I" statements instead of the generic "you" - Don't blame - that will prevent the other person from feeling attacked and
attacking you in return
4. Be aware of their feelings - don't react to emotional outbursts - Don't defend yourself. Take a deep breath and listen, then reflect back to them what you heard. IMPORTANT - keep reflecting back the
message and ask them if that is what they meant. Be sure you understand the communication.
5. Speak to be understood. This is not an argument or debate unless you make it so.
6. Be willing to apologize. Apology does not mean admitting you were wrong or that you intended to hurt. Apology allows the other
person to save face and it diffuses the emotions. Acknowledgement that there is a problem also diffuses emotion.
7. Attack the problem - Support the person. This sets up "cognitive dissonance" which disassociates the person from the problem.
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT:
1. Decide ahead of time what you want. Know your best option and state it as an "I want" rather than an "I don't want" - be specific -
be able to describe what it would look like to have what you want
2. Be flexible - give yourself options
3. Look for mutual gains and win/win solution
4. Focus on the future and give up the past
- AVOID "make wrongs" (If you hadn't done this stupid whatever, we wouldn't have this problem....)
- AVOID "get evens" (sometimes we decide what we want based on a way to punish the other person)
POSITIVE POWER PLAYS Skills for conflict resolution and negotiation
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT continued
5. Tell the problem before the solution - then the other person will listen instead of developing their objections or counterattack
6. Acknowledge their interests and needs when stating your solution/wants
7. Decide on your bottom line and the least desirable option that is still acceptable to you - know your worst option
8. Request, don't demand
BE WILLING TO NEGOTIATE
1. Recognize that a successful relationship is more important than
winning the battle or getting your way
2. Separate people from the problem - work together for a solution
3. Focus first on the desired result, rather than how to achieve it
- figure out the "how" after you agree on the result
4. Explore options without judgment - be creative
- be committed to mutual gain and win/win
5. Be open to reason and closed to threats
6. Determine objective criteria for making decisions -
"I'll cut the cake, you choose your piece first" - agree on standards
that are mutually acceptable - use a facilitator or objective third party if necessary
7. Invite criticism and advice, and then LISTEN to it - don't defend
8. Assume good will on their part
9. Questions generate answers - statements generate resistance
10. Be willing to give them what they want - that gives them room to feel that they can win, and makes them less defensive
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost, that is
where they should be. Now put the foundation under them."
--Henry David Thoreau
Build strong foundations under YOUR castles with a private Coach!
Patricia
Clason, owner of "Accountability Coaching Associates" was first to
receive the "Registered Corporate Coach "designation from the
National Association of Business Coaches. Patricia is also a professional speaker, author and trainer in human resource
development with over twenty-five years of experience!
Visit her at her website <http://www.lightly.com>
where you will find helpful articles, a calendar of events for the Center for
Creative Learning, and much more!
Or call her at (414) 374-5433
Check out her NEW program on Ethics - the hot topic of the 21st century!
And in the meantime - Take It Lightly!!!!!!!!
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